Managers Must Remember Feelings

"Man bites off fingertip of other man at Healthcare rally!"

"Man slaps stranger's crying toddler in WalMart!"

These are just two of today's news headlines. Is it me, or are there a lot of angry people out there these days? It's not surprising, given the economy, reality TV and lack of trust in corporate America (among other things).

However -- it did make me think that it's a good time to remind anyone who's a manager to remember that people have feelings. Emotions are running high these days. We're all busy, so it's easy to forget to be "nice", say thank you or just sit and listen to employees.

But it's more important than ever to make extra time.

The majority of employees aren't dangerous or violent. What managers should worry about is the impact of angry employees who suffer quietly and unproductively, who badmouth your company or who subtly sabotage your efforts. That's the biggest threat you face when you ignore feelings at work.

Now get out there and be nice. Or else! Grrrr..!

How to Be Recession Resistant: Five Strategies

Earlier I posted on the idea that nothing is "recession proof", as much as popular media and many "experts" want to peddle their recession-proofing wares to us.

Reality check....the best we can do is build up our resistance to recession and the other ups and downs of business. This blog is the first in a series of articles with pointers on how to be recession resistant, as an employee, manager, salesperson or business.

Below are five strategies for surviving during tough times and always landing on your feet. I'll cover each in more detail in follow-up posts.

1. Pull Your Head out of the Sand

Stay alert for predictable surprises. Harvard Professor Max Bazerman says that "Predictable surprises happen when leaders had all the data and insight they needed to recognize the potential, even the inevitability, of major problems, but failed to respond with effective preventative action."

2. Live with Healthy Fear

Paralyzing fear is bad. Fear that propels you to take action is healthy!

3. Don't Assume You're Still Valuable

What made you successful in good times may not be what matters in bad times. Question what is really important to your business and your bosses when recession looms...and find ways to fill that need.

4. Keep Your Pipeline Full

If you only network and ask for referrals when times are bad (and you're looking for opportunities)...it's probably too late.

5. Become Your Own PR Person

Whether you know it or not, we're all in the public relations business. Be your own advocate and build your brand year-round.

Tune in for more postings describing how to execute each of these survival strategies.

Copyright 2008. Phyllis Roteman. The Loyalty Group. Sherman Oaks, CA.

Praise to the "Me" Generation

"I can't deny the fact that you like me...you like me!"

These words, delivered with elation by Sally Field when she won a Best Actress Oscar for Places in the Heart, reveal the depth of a performer's need for recognition.

In the work world, it seems we have our own brand of love-starved performers: the "me" generation.

A podcast last week on NPR discussed how the 20-somethings now flooding our workplaces are fueled by constant praise. Experts cited in the story theorize that this trait was instilled by this generation's parents - whose parenting style was more focused on building self-esteem than on objective self-appraisal. Kids that grew up in the late 80s and 90s often played in sports leagues where there were no losers (everyone got trophies), strong discipline was frowned upon, and kids got praise for everything including getting up for school or getting dressed (things they're supposed to do anyway).

We All Like Praise, But How Much?

When these praise-hungry kids grew up and entered the workforce, their expectations of authority figures were high. As a result, managers have had to look for reasons to lavish recognition on younger employees who need regular pats on the back to stay engaged. ("Congrats on meeting that deadline." "Thank you for showing up for work on time." "You're really smart.")

Some may argue that every worker likes positive feedback. True. The questions are: "How much?" "How often?" and "For what?"

Research into "Generation Me" shows that overall, this younger group of workers typically needs more positive stroking, more often, for more types of behaviors to stay motivated.

The Implication for Managers

The impact on managers' jobs can be significant. If you manage people today, you've got to go out of your way to look for positives to praise, even if you're busy or under pressure.

Managers: challenge your own principles. Below are attitudes that won't work anymore for managers who lead younger workers:

• "I had to work hard without much praise. Younger employees need to suck it up and work hard too, like I did."

• "I don't have time to babysit and pat people on the back for every little thing they do. I'm too busy for that."

• "I feel phoney giving out praise for little things. I don't give a lot of thanks, but when I do, I mean it."

• "They should feel lucky that they have a good job, benefits and decent pay! That should be enough to keep them motivated!"

While there's validity to all of these beliefs, they just may not work today. Managers who cling to these principles may quickly find themselves losing young employees to managers who dole out a daily dose of praise.


© 2007. Phyllis Roteman, The Loyalty Group. All Rights Reserved.

The Toxic Employee...Another Perspective

Yesterday I wrote a post about Toxic People. My premise was that some people are just miserable and spread negativity to everyone who comes in contact with them. Keith Harrell calls this, "toxic negativity."

Interestingly, today's CareerBuilder online newsletter has an article about the hidden costs of keeping a "bad" employee. Here's a taste:

"A bad employee can be like cancer within a company. Strong negativism, a poor attitude, backbiting, and incompetence can spread quickly within any organization. Co-workers of a bad employee notice the issues and
typically try to fight off catching the negative traits. However, such traits are contagious and can severely hurt or even kill a company. A bad employee will eventually affect your employees, customers, and product/service's quality."

This is exactly what I meant in my earlier post about toxic (cancerous) people.

What I like about the CareerBuilder post is takes a different perspective on the cause of toxic people's negativity. It points out that negativity can be caused by the workplace - specifically, a bad fit with the job. Can a perfectly happy, good person become toxic in a bad work environment, or in a job that isn't right for them? Absolutely.

Think about waking up every morning for work, with your stomach turning, knowing you've got to spend the next eight or nine hours in a place you hate. Perhaps you have an hour commute each way...two hours to stew in traffic and think about work that you despise. Or perhaps you're in the wrong job all together. You're in over your head, and you know it. Your performance isn't good, your boss knows it and so do your coworkers. You struggle to get through every work day. Could this make a normally happy person toxic and negative? You bet.

So maybe we should have empathy for negative people. Maybe they're not "bad" people after all. The trick (particulary in the workplace) is...empathize without letting them drag you and others down.

© 2007. Phyllis Roteman, The Loyalty Group. All Rights Reserved.

Toxic People

Have you ever worked with a toxic person?

These are people who spread negativity. And when you let them into your workplace or your life, they are like mold. They're unpleasant, they spread their nastiness everywhere...and they're often hard to get rid of. I have one of these in my life now. Every time I think I've removed this toxic person from my life, she keeps coming back.

There's a great book by Keith Harrell called "Attitude is Everything", in which he warns about "toxic negativity" and the damage these people cause to the poor souls who encounter them. According to Harrell, these poisonous people fall into different categories:

Judges and Critics: They invest most of their time and effort criticizing and judging others (deflecting attention away from their own short-comings and unhappiness). They can be direct and outright demeaning, or they can be subtle (but no less critical).

"I wouldn't have done it that way."
"Do you really want to wear that?"
"Let me tell you what's wrong with your idea."

Professional Victims: Things always happen to them. Nothing is ever their fault.

"It's not my fault that the customer changed his mind."
"If my manager were better, I could do my job better."
"Nobody told me I was supposed to do that."
"I couldn't make any sales because you gave me bad leads."

Soap Opera Stars: These people are drama kings and queens. They thrive on turmoil, chaos and conflict. When there isn't any drama, they stir the pot to create it.

"Did you hear what Donna said about Albert?"
"I heard a rumor that there are going to be some big changes in the department!"
"I can't believe I was so wronged! How could they do this to me?!"
"I wouldn't take that. You should give her a piece of your mind!"

Bitter to the Core: According to Harrell, these people have a motto: "There's nothing worse than seeing your friends succeed." These are miserable people who are so unhappy with themselves and their lives that they want to spread their misery. They may smile and put up a friendly facade, but they'll stab you in the back and bring you down every chance they get (smiling the whole time).

"I wouldn't get too excited. It probably won't last."

"If it weren't for me, you'd never make it!"
"You got a promotion? Great! I heard you got the job because no one else wanted it."
"You're pregnant? Congratulations. My sister's pregnancy was hell. I hope yours isn't as miserable."

So what do you do when you encounter toxic people? Here are some tips, many of which I've learned the hard way, through experience.

• Don't let them in. Have you ever seen a vampire movie? If so, you'll know that one of the "rules" of vampires is that they can't enter your house unless you invite them in. (In the movies, the unwitting victims ALWAYS let them in for some reason!) Toxic people are like vampires. They'll suck the life out of you. If you see them, don't even let them in...because once they're in, they'll do damage.

• Contain them. These people need to be reigned in, or their toxicity will spread rapidly, partciularly if they're on your work team. Let them know the rules early on. When you hear an example of negative talk, criticism or rumor-mongering, address it immediately. Let them know that the behavior is not acceptable. If it's in the workplace, give them examples of how their negative behavior is impacting work performance and the morale of others. If the behavior continues, let them go.

• Create a "buffer zone". If you're forced to live with a toxic person (for example, your father-in-law) or work with one (for example, your peer in another department), you've got to deal with it. Protect yourself by creating a buffer zone. You can do this by limiting your interaction with this person as much as possible. And when you must interact with them, prepare yourself emotionally in advance. Build up your strength by doing something that makes you feel good first, like going for a long walk. Talk to someone positive beforehand, so you feel upbeat and good about yourself. Mentally prepare by saying to yourself: "I'm happy. I won't let this person get to me."

Positive attitude is a choice you can make. You can either allow yourself to get dragged down by toxic people, or you can leave them to roll around in their own mud. You choose.

© 2007. Phyllis Roteman, The Loyalty Group. All Rights Reserved.

Beware Workplace Bobble-Heads (Part 2)

In a previous post I wrote about bobble-heads in the workplace. These are people - your customers, employees or managers - who bob their heads as if they're listening and agreeing while you talk.

But they're not agreeing. Their silence and blank stares are a cover for boredom, confusion, defiance, doubt or some other emotion they're not willing to share with you.

As promised, this post provides tips for communicating with head-bobbers and finding out what they're really thinking.


Know it when you see it.

Could the problem be you? When you're in a meeting, sales presentation or conversation and you're doing most of the talking, watch for the steady head bob. Look for glazed-over eyes. These are signs that you might have unintentionally lulled your audience into a head-bobbing coma (they've tuned out or decided that they disagree with you). It sounds pretty basic, but you'd be surprised how many "talkers" (salespeople, presenters, managers) get in their groove and forget that other people may not be listening.

Shut up (Let there be silence)

Silence can be as powerful as a scream. Just stop talking. The head-bobber will snap to attention.

Ask open-ended questions

This is a good follow-up to silence...the old one-two combination. Pause and let there be a moment of silence. Then ask an open-ended question to reengage the head-bobber. Some of my favorite open-ended questions (that require more than a yes/no or one-word answer) are:

• "How do you feel about this idea?"


• "What are you thinking at this point?"


• "What's your perspective on this issue?"

Ask them to summarize

You're leading a meeting. At the end, you wrap up by summarizing: "So here's what I'll do...and here's what you'll do...we'll meet again at X date...etc." And everyone else is head-bobbing while you rattle off your summary. Why not turn the tables and ask the other person to summarize what they've heard? Some good summary questions are:

• "I've been doing a lot of the talking so far. What do you feel are the most important points?"


• "What are three things that you take away from this meeting?"


• "What do you think should be our next steps?"
  

Look in the mirror

Are you a head-bobber? You may be, without even realizing it. The next time you're in a long meeting, listening to a salespitch or getting feedback you don't agree with...check yourself. Are you nodding as if in compliance because it's easier than speaking up? Ask a question. Disagree. Do yourself and the speaker a favor and just say something.

© 2007. Phyllis Roteman, The Loyalty Group. All Rights Reserved.

Beware Workplace Bobble-heads (Part 1)

We've all seen them.

They stare at you in meetings as you discuss ideas. They appear to be listening as you give them feedback. They say little. They nod their heads. (That's why I like to call them "workplace bobble-heads.")

Rarely will they disagree openly or challenge ideas. In fact, to the untrained human eye, they might even seem agreeable and pleasant. But beware. Behind that agreeable facade may lurk a hidden cynic, doubter, nay-sayer, or behind-the-scenes griper who would rather smile and nod than express him or herself to your face. Who are these bobble-heads...and what causes them to nod silently as if in agreement, even when they're not?

Customer Bobble-heads

If you're a salesperson, you've most likely met customer head bobbers. Here's the scenario. The salesperson is making an engaging presentation, with all the bells and whistles, saying all of the "right things"...and there's the customer, not saying a word but nodding (seemingly in agreement). But when the salesperson asks for the order, the customer (to the salesperson's surprise) says something like "I need to think about it" or "Thanks, can you leave me some information?"

What happened? The salesperson, who was falsely encouraged by the customer's quiet head-bobbing, assumed that the customer's silence meant the customer was ready to buy. She wasn't.

Employee Bobble-heads

This can frustrate the heck out of managers. Here's the scenario. A manager and employee are meeting to discuss a new project the employee is going to take on. The manager tells the employee all about the project in great detail (while the employee looks on and - you guessed it - nods his head as if he's listening). The manager then asks something like, "Do you have any questions for me?" And the employee shrugs and says, "I guess not."

Fast forward...it's three weeks later. The manager and employee meet for a project update. To the manager's surprise, the employee is floundering. The manager wonders why the head-bobber didn't speak up and ask questions in their initial meeting.

What happened? The manager assumed that the employee was bought into the assignment and understood it. (Fooled again by the head bob).

Manager Bobble-heads

Imagine a meeting with a group of managers. A senior executive (or someone in power) is talking. She's droning on and on - plugging through endless PowerPoint slides - and no one really knows what she's trying to say. Instead of speaking up to get clarification, the group just sits there and nods, as if in agreement...as if what they're hearing makes perfect sense. The meeting adjourns. In the hallway (after the exec leaves), the managers whisper to each other, "What do you think she meant?" and "I'm more confused than before the meeting!"

What happened? Because of fear of speaking up or looking dumb, the managers just kept their mouths shut and nodded. And no doubt, this body language from the manager group assured the senior exec that she was communicating loudly and clearly. She likely left the meeting thinking it was a success.

In my next blog (Part 2 of Beware Workplace Bobble-heads), I'll provide tips for how to communicate more effectively with head bobbers - and engage them in dialogue.

© 2007. Phyllis Roteman, The Loyalty Group. All Rights Reserved.

Is it OK to Cry at Work?

Early in my career I had a colleague (let's call her Liza) who was a self-professed "crier". She was young, professional and competent. But when she became angry, frustrated or felt backed into a corner, the water-works would start. I remember one day Liza left our boss' office after receiving her performance review. I asked her how it went. She said, "We're just on a break. We stopped because I was crying. I'm humiliated."

No matter how hard Liza tried to choke back the tears, she couldn't. It made her feel weak and stupid - she didn't want to be crying - but she claimed that she just couldn't control it. I felt so bad for her. It was hard enough back then for a young female professional to get respect in the consulting world. Tears just made it near impossible.

I bring this story up because today's Wall Street Journal online edition has an article by Sue Shellenbarger headlined, Crying at Work Gains Acceptance. In it, Shellengbarger makes the case that the proliferation of Gen Y'ers in today's workplace is making it more acceptable to show emotions, including crying. The article says that the younger generation is generally more in touch with feelings than baby boomers - and that clashes between more stoic older bosses and more sensitive younger workers are ensuing in the workplace.

So will crying be "cool" at work? Will managers get promoted for their open sensitivity and ability to openly shed tears? Is crying really gaining acceptance at work?

I think this remains to be seen. A few things I question:

- Even if people (including those interviewed for the WSJ article) claim that they accept crying at work, I wonder what they actually feel about it. I'd like to think that I'm an open, accepting person and wouldn't judge someone who cried at work...but subconsciously, would I feel differently? Would I somehow see the person as weak? (I'm not sure, but I guess it would depend on the circumstances and why the person was crying.)

- I wonder how many of my clients would want their consultant to cry in front of them...or worse yet, in front of a group of their leaders. My bet is that while a client might feel sorry or embarassed for the consultant, they'd be a lot less confident in that individual - and may question their "emotional toughness" or tolerance for stress. Let's face it. There are some situations where crying is just bad for your image and can be damaging.

- When does crying become a real problem? Sure, most of us have felt like crying after we've received bad feedback or had a particularly horrible day. But if an employee cries at seemlingly inappropriate times (for example, he makes a typo or she spills her coffee) and it happens frequently, there might be an underlying issue.

- What can tears tell you? I recently had a client, a sales manager, tell me about a new hire who was a terrific salesperson. She was blowing away her numbers in the first few months on the job. Yet when the manager did her ride-alongs with the rep in the field, she found that the rep would cry before and after every customer call. When the manager asked the rep why she was crying, the rep said, "I'm terrified of making calls. I feel sick to my stomach before I make every call...and then I feel so relieved after the call, I feel sick again!" Needless to say, this rep's crying betrayed an underlying, serious issue - she hated her job even though she was great at it.

Crying at work may be gaining some acceptance...but I wouldn't yet say there's a crying revolution at work. Like any other expression of emotion (yelling, laughing loudly, cursing) - there's a right time and right place. And some very wrong times and places.

© 2006 The Loyalty Group. All Rights Reserved.