Can People be "Toxic"?

Several months ago I blogged about "toxic people". The concept of people being toxic is not a new one. Books with titles "Emotional Vampires", "Toxic People" and "Nasty People" show the popularity of the topic and people's hunger for strategies for dealing with these people.

These people.

Since writing my earlier blogs, I've shifted my thinking a bit. I'm currently working on a webinar for Stanford University on this topic - and I like that someone suggested changing the title from "Toxic People" to "Toxic Behaviors".

Initially I accomodated, recognizing that a University must be politically correct. However, the more I've played with the concepts, the more I've grown to prefer the term "toxic behaviors".

Labeling people as emotional vampires or toxic people can be, in itself, unhealthy. Can people really be toxic? Or is it their emotionally draining, negative behavior that's toxic?

If you must work or live with someone who's behavior is "toxic", you've got to figure out a strategy for getting along with them. If you write someone off as being bad or toxic, there's not much you can do. The problem becomes out of your control. It's those people who are the problem.

You can address people's bad behavior. By asking yourself, "How can I cope with this person's toxic behavior, so it doesn't affect me negatively?" - you give yourself some control over the situation. You're not powerless.

A key strategy for working or living with toxic behavior, I have found, is trying to empathize with the person whose behavior is negative. I doubt that people are born with toxic behavior. I've never seen a toxic infant. People become critical, negative and nasty for a reason. Empathizing - recognizing that the person isn't bad, but their behavior is - may help you stay cool and protect you from taking their behavior personally.

What do you think?

Copyright 2008. Phyllis Roteman. The Loyalty Group. Sherman Oaks, CA.

The Toxic Employee...Another Perspective

Yesterday I wrote a post about Toxic People. My premise was that some people are just miserable and spread negativity to everyone who comes in contact with them. Keith Harrell calls this, "toxic negativity."

Interestingly, today's CareerBuilder online newsletter has an article about the hidden costs of keeping a "bad" employee. Here's a taste:

"A bad employee can be like cancer within a company. Strong negativism, a poor attitude, backbiting, and incompetence can spread quickly within any organization. Co-workers of a bad employee notice the issues and
typically try to fight off catching the negative traits. However, such traits are contagious and can severely hurt or even kill a company. A bad employee will eventually affect your employees, customers, and product/service's quality."

This is exactly what I meant in my earlier post about toxic (cancerous) people.

What I like about the CareerBuilder post is takes a different perspective on the cause of toxic people's negativity. It points out that negativity can be caused by the workplace - specifically, a bad fit with the job. Can a perfectly happy, good person become toxic in a bad work environment, or in a job that isn't right for them? Absolutely.

Think about waking up every morning for work, with your stomach turning, knowing you've got to spend the next eight or nine hours in a place you hate. Perhaps you have an hour commute each way...two hours to stew in traffic and think about work that you despise. Or perhaps you're in the wrong job all together. You're in over your head, and you know it. Your performance isn't good, your boss knows it and so do your coworkers. You struggle to get through every work day. Could this make a normally happy person toxic and negative? You bet.

So maybe we should have empathy for negative people. Maybe they're not "bad" people after all. The trick (particulary in the workplace) is...empathize without letting them drag you and others down.

© 2007. Phyllis Roteman, The Loyalty Group. All Rights Reserved.