How many times have you said, "My clients are driving me CRAZY!"? Well, now you can get them back - give them a taste of their own medicine - by driving them crazy. Read below to discover the secrets all good consultants know. These are our top four ways to bug the hell out of your clients.
- Pepper your conversations with "consultantisms": A recent article in Consulting Times (page 10) cites a survey listing the most annoying phrases used by consultants. Topping the list were: going forward, leverage, core values, on the same page, paradigm (my PERSONAL unfavorite) and synnergy. Use these at every opportunity, even in your personal life.
- Maximize complexification: Take a really simple concept and make it sound difficult and complex. Watch your clients nod their heads, as if they understand. They probably won't ask what you mean, so you're off the hook to explain yourself.
- Dazzle em' with longer words and sentences: According to Language Monitor, there were approximately 988,968 words in the English language as of March 21, 2006. So why not use as many as possible? Instead of saying "before," why not say, "prior to"? Instead of saying "use," say "utilize". Why use the word "to" when you can say "in order to"? Instead of talking about change, why not talk about "shifting paradigms"? (This is a bonus because you're using one of the top annoying words!) When strung together, you can create one long sentence that will leave your clients scratching their heads. For example, Prior to the utilization of technology to manage shifting paradigms, aligning intangible organizational requirements with nebuluous customer-defined specifications in order to capitalize on opportunities had been challenging. (Say what?)
- When questioned, go on the attack: After all, you are the expert. Your clients hired you because you're smart and you know more than them. Don't let them threaten your credibility by asking you questions or challenging your recommendations. If you back down, you'll be perceived as weak. Instead, show your superiority by going on the offensive. Make sure to point out how long you've been in the business and your past successes ("I've been doing this for a million years." "When I invented the Internet...") If that doesn't get them to back down, act indignant and suggest that "if they don't trust you, maybe we shouldn't work together." They should be crawling back in no time.
A personal disclaimer: We at The Loyalty Group, Los Angeles, pride ourselves on keeping things simple and straight-forward. This blog entry does not reflect our approach, philosophy or practices. We love and respect our clients!
© 2006 The Loyalty Group. All Rights Reserved.
Posts
