tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.comments2013-08-10T05:21:26.056-07:00The Learning Rap with Phyllis RotemanPhyllis Rotemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01614977121858720132noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-7543519374255762772010-03-15T05:09:51.812-07:002010-03-15T05:09:51.812-07:00Hi,
I really liked your article. It is a rare col...Hi,<br /><br />I really liked your article. It is a rare collection of "how to comminicate competencies" to a wide range of professionals.<br /><br />In my current company we have a new competency framework which will be used in performance management. Nowadays we are preparing a training program to make sure that a wide range of (~4000) people in the company understand the new framework.<br /><br />I would love to hear if there are any other reources (books, articles, etc.) you would recommend. We are especially interested in resources with learning execises and detailed insights on how to explain competencies.<br /><br />Thanks a lot!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05357213354633689556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-33135567592229511442010-01-23T07:28:04.933-08:002010-01-23T07:28:04.933-08:00Rather cool blog you've got here. Thanx for it...Rather cool blog you've got here. Thanx for it. I like such topics and everything that is connected to them. BTW, why don't you change design :).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-44019869576109643222009-07-01T13:59:05.494-07:002009-07-01T13:59:05.494-07:00I couldn't agree more. I would add that relyin...I couldn't agree more. I would add that relying too much on technology to communicate (versus real-time, in-person and on-the-phone discussion) also erodes trust - a commodity in short supply these days. Stifles innovation as well.<br />CaroleUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16921807796856463506noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-89279854943952474152009-06-12T14:40:42.682-07:002009-06-12T14:40:42.682-07:00I was just laid off of work. The whole plant clos...I was just laid off of work. The whole plant closed down so I wasn't singled out. But when people at the other plant asked why I wasn't relocated to that plant my former boss said that I made too much money and I cried too much. Now I worked for them for 17 years and I cried on the job twice. And it was over 10 years ago. But that is what stuck in his head. I would say that no- it is never OK for a woman to cry on the job.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-55108226920975690352009-06-02T12:51:13.097-07:002009-06-02T12:51:13.097-07:00Thanks for the great advice! I'm currently dealing...Thanks for the great advice! I'm currently dealing with a toxic brother-in-law who surprisingly fits EVERY type of person mentioned in your article rolled into one. He's incredibly negative, gossips about everyone, is paranoid about others speaking about him, and dredges up offenses from 20 years ago. He's jealous, manipulative, a liar and just plain...stupid. It's absolute torture being with this person and I was the recipient of one of his rantings this week. I plan to take your advice to heart! Thank you!Jennanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-48302809700393236512009-06-02T01:30:59.702-07:002009-06-02T01:30:59.702-07:00Something I've learned in dealing with toxic peopl...Something I've learned in dealing with toxic people is to not partake in activities that are considered toxic. Gossip is probably one of the worst workplace offenses. If you gossip about another person's toxicity you're no better than them. The safest thing to do is not give in to gossip, even if it's initiated by someone else. While it does help to confide in someone about your problems, it will only make things worse for everbody at the workplace if not a single soul can be trusted. And "loose lips sinks ships:" Friendships deteriorate when gossip is prevalent because gossip deteriorates trust.<br /><br />But I do have a couple questions - <br /><br />Are there certain workplaces that would have a lower risk of having to deal with toxic people?<br /><br />Also, what's a good way to read people's motives? It's hard for me to tell who is toxic because I always try to be accepting towards everyone I meet. What's the best way to tell whether criticism comes from an ugly place or comes from good intentions?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-80656443433306833482009-01-21T08:34:00.000-08:002009-01-21T08:34:00.000-08:00Ready to win, I'm so happy that this writing helpe...Ready to win, I'm so happy that this writing helped. Sometimes just seeing the craziness (of a toxic environment or toxic behavior) for what it is makes it easier to deal with. I know when I was sucked into a toxic work relationship, I felt like I was crazy.<BR/><BR/>Anonymous "3" -- thanks for your perspective on British workplace toxicity. Ahhh...it's good to know that it's not just us Americans. <BR/><BR/>Seriously, you make a good point about how to deal with toxic behavior. If you can surround yourself with people who are positive and "above the fray" of toxic behavior, you'll be happier.<BR/><BR/>I find that being around positive, high-road people is the perfect antidote to toxic behavior. Like a nice hot shower!Phyllis Rotemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01614977121858720132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-29558835782493347982009-01-21T00:01:00.000-08:002009-01-21T00:01:00.000-08:00Regarding the assumption that toxic people thrive ...Regarding the assumption that toxic people thrive more in the claustraphobic environment of an office, i don't think it's the office itself more the situation of any group of people being at or working at close quarters over periods of time.<BR/> Having lived a rather unconventional lifestyle for most of my life, were periods of work were nothing more than a chance to accumulate enough money to travel abroad for long periods i have over the years on returning to this country noticed a huge amount of toxicity not just in the work place but in British society in general.<BR/> I have never found it difficuilt to cut away people who play a toxic role in my life regardless of who they are. So in general i have lived a life with few constant negative influences around me, but, the periods when i return to the workplace in this country whether it be in an office or any manual job on a large site i can't help but notice the levels of negativity and toxicity are pretty extreme. When i come back from travelling i am happy and balanced and little bothers me or upsets me, because i have been free to do the things i love to do with other like minded people who are happy with themselves and their lives. But within a couple of months of being in an English workplace i can feel the life being drained out of me not by the work but by the people you work with. When you live a life where egotism,unnecessary competiveness and insecurity doesn't play a huge part in your thinking suddenly being around groups of people whose whole life appears to revolve around those things it's an experience i never look forward to. It never ceases to shock me the constant negativity,plotting, back stabbing, shit stirring and just general bad intentioned gossip and mischief making it's endemic in the British workplace. Of course not everyone is involved but it is certainly not just the odd toxic person some are extreme cases but the whole environment seems to breed that attitude. I think there are some that ordinarily are probably decent well balanced people but having to suffer the environment week in week out year in year out with the work place playing such a big part in their life it's probably only natural they become a part of the toxic behaviour in preference to being a constant victim of it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-18547004437064007022008-10-08T19:10:00.000-07:002008-10-08T19:10:00.000-07:00I SOOO relate to this story!!! I'm in the EXACT s...I SOOO relate to this story!!! I'm in the EXACT same boat as Liza. No matter WHAT I do, when I get angry, frustrated (especially), sad (of course), stage-frightened etc, I immediately burst out into tears! I'm 22, and I've tried my whole life to control it, but it's just not possible. I've gotten over the stage-fright a bit, but to do so I have to tell myself for at least 1 day ahead of time, over and over again, like a chant, that "I can do this".<BR/><BR/>I recently broke down crying in front of my new boss (twice in a span of a week or two) during performance reviews as well. And, she would tell me I was doing a good job, but at the same time, she makes me feel like I'm 2 foot tall, and 2 years old making me feel like I can't do anything right (hence the tears). I will admit, BOTH times, she made me take a break after I started crying, and I was COMPLETELY humiliated.<BR/><BR/>I'm glad to know I'm not the only one!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-87596637749191779862008-09-02T19:33:00.000-07:002008-09-02T19:33:00.000-07:00I found a lot of encouragement from your writing P...I found a lot of encouragement from your writing Phyllis, so thank you kindly. <BR/><BR/>I have worked in a toxic office for 2 years while finishing my degree. Two particular older women are openly toxic toward me, and clients, and their own friends by judging and criticising. Now I have my own office I am insulated from it, but I see them doing the same to the another worker. <BR/><BR/>I have only just teamed up with this other worker to share our pains. I have realised that I have been paranoid about 'letting people in' for the past 2 years! - we should have teamed up a lot earlier! <BR/><BR/>I am committed to stay at my job, as I have worked hard for it. Since I recognised they were 'toxic' last year, I unplugged. This leaves me out of the social loop at work, but this is a neccesary sacrifice, as every conversation with these toxic women is dangerous. <BR/><BR/>Now that I've decided how to deal with them, these 2 women have no chance of bringing me down. And since I have unplugged, they have tried to be 'nicer' but I wont budge.<BR/><BR/>I just hope my co-worker friend does not leave, as it is important to have some support.<BR/><BR/>Ready to winMultifacetedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05338039067099229147noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-27331197923762321712008-06-26T10:51:00.000-07:002008-06-26T10:51:00.000-07:00Phyllis,I'm curious: has his pay check been involu...Phyllis,<BR/><BR/>I'm curious: has his pay check been involuntarily suspended as well?<BR/><BR/>That could make the terminology moot. Perhaps his attorney could depose a clearer definition.<BR/><BR/>This is worth tracking. . .Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-84665885293079136662008-04-08T13:09:00.000-07:002008-04-08T13:09:00.000-07:00Interesting concept, will definately change how I ...Interesting concept, will definately change how I look at conducting interviews.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-60474029740245947772008-03-28T10:08:00.000-07:002008-03-28T10:08:00.000-07:00I just found a posting from Paul Sloane at Lifehac...I just found a posting from Paul Sloane at Lifehack.org that covers this topic too. It's worth checking out and reiterates the point that you've got to fail sometimes to get ahead!<BR/><BR/>http://www.lifehack.org/articles/management/welcome-failure.html#comment-308204Phyllis Rotemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01614977121858720132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-78591367595948505402008-03-25T09:37:00.000-07:002008-03-25T09:37:00.000-07:00Hi Rocky and thanks for weighing in. I'm a city gi...Hi Rocky and thanks for weighing in. I'm a city girl, but I know that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink and you can't teach a pig to fly.<BR/><BR/>Glad this helped! PhyllisPhyllis Rotemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01614977121858720132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-73254096838157100782008-03-25T09:33:00.000-07:002008-03-25T09:33:00.000-07:00Thanks Steve! I imagine that the "fullproof" grab...Thanks Steve! I imagine that the "fullproof" grabber is a big contributor to our current mortgage crisis. How many people "bought" the idea that a zero down, adjustable rate mortgage was a virtually risk-proof commitment? Or that there was "no way to lose" playing the dot-coms? : )Phyllis Rotemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01614977121858720132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-71067266605647121202008-03-25T09:27:00.000-07:002008-03-25T09:27:00.000-07:00Anonymous 2,Thanks for sharing your "toxic" story....Anonymous 2,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing your "toxic" story. First, congratulate yourself for realizing the negative impact this person is having on you and others. It's easy to feel like it's YOUR problem and not theirs. That's part of their manipulation game, as Snowball points out.<BR/><BR/>Now, what to do? I've got a few suggestions, but I'd also love to hear from others.<BR/><BR/>- Be honest about her behavior. Admittedly, I tried this with my toxic person...and it didn't work out too well. But at least I felt like I tried. I basically called them (politely and objectively) on their behavior. As you might expect, the individual deflected, cried, then got angry at me and made their "bad behavior" my fault ("If you wouldn't do X, I wouldn't have to behave badly!") Again, I am glad I tried this approach, if only for my own piece of mind.<BR/><BR/>- Don't feed the friendship. This doesn't mean being rude. However, a friendship takes two people making an effort to keep it alive. Are you subtly encouraging this toxic person by engaging her in conversation, smiling and head nodding, asking her questions, etc? If so, you're signaling that you want to nurture the friendship. You might try keeping your conversations with her shorter and telling her that "you've got to run." Eventually, she'll get the point and move on. I know this sounds like a wimpy way to avoid the issue, but it may be the best way to end the friendship without a dramatic blow up.<BR/><BR/>- Focus on your gym workouts. If the only place you run into this person is at the gym, this might be easy...just focus on your workouts. I know when I go to the gym, I like to push myself. It's hard to do that when others are engaging you in conversation. If she approaches you to talk at the gym, you could easily say, "I'm sorry...but I'm really focused on my workout today. I can't talk now."<BR/><BR/>- Take the Band-Aid approach. I suppose the most courageous way to extricate yourself is to just say, "I can't be friends with you any more." (It's quick and painful, like yanking off a Band-Aid.) Of course she'll want an explanation...which takes you back to the first point (be honest by describing the negative behaviors and impact on you and others). If she gets defensive, nasty or manipulative, you can simply end the conversation. It may be uncomfortable for some time seeing her at the gym, but it will be done.Phyllis Rotemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01614977121858720132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-76246575769458279902008-03-24T17:09:00.000-07:002008-03-24T17:09:00.000-07:00I very much agree with snowball69... 'anonymous' s...I very much agree with snowball69... 'anonymous' sounds and feels toxic and typical of how these people dance around the truth to avoid it.<BR/><BR/>Thank you for posting about this, I am dealing with a really toxic person in my life right now... she came to my 'aid' in a very difficult situation with other people involved, and now that we're deeper into the situation, I'm realizing she's just as toxic as they are!! She's very much a 'stir the pot/drama/troublemaker' type... when there isn't any trouble, she's looking for it... she's also subtly critical of a lot of things I do... the problem is, I've let her in as a friend... how the hell do you get OUT of a situation like that?? I have to see her at the gym (and no, changing gyms is not easy or an option)... any tips on extricating oneself from that kind of a 'friendship'... ?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-82127745867694323772008-03-22T19:39:00.000-07:002008-03-22T19:39:00.000-07:00Phyllis, Your "recession-resistant" approach is a ...Phyllis, <BR/><BR/>Your "recession-resistant" approach is a lot more helpful and honest than the "fullproof" grabbers that promise what cannot be delivered. <BR/><BR/>Nice going.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-12530821768973891892008-03-22T11:38:00.000-07:002008-03-22T11:38:00.000-07:00Excellent article. To be effective as a coach we h...Excellent article. To be effective as a coach we have to understand where the client is coming from. In other words we have to let them set the agenda. Sometimes there is nothing we can and sometimes nothing is the best thing to do. I will use these points as I enter into coaching relationships in the future.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-22946253184550311732008-02-11T09:14:00.000-08:002008-02-11T09:14:00.000-08:00Hi Pete,First, thanks for your comments. Competenc...Hi Pete,<BR/><BR/>First, thanks for your comments. Competencies isn't a "sexy" topic, but it's at the core of everything "people related" in business. Glad you found the simplification helpful.<BR/><BR/>I'm going to look up the ASTD study you reference. Just goes to show you, since it was done in 1989, that not much changes!<BR/><BR/>Regarding your question about defining competencies for key job functions - ABSOLUTELY! There are many ways to do this. The trick is, in the end, making sure that:<BR/><BR/>- The competencies are aligned across functions, so people see how they connect to each other horizontally...and see their ultimate connection to the customer.<BR/><BR/>- They're aligned vertically, so even front-line employees can have a "clear line of site" to their business unit and company goals.<BR/><BR/>- They're written in simple, function-specific language, so they're not just words on a page. People must relate to the competency descriptions if they're going to use them.<BR/><BR/>- You teach people how to use competencies and behaviors for setting performance expectations, professional and career development, coaching, reviews, etc. Don't assume people will get excited about them when you email the "list" out.<BR/><BR/>I'd love to talk more about this...it's a sweet spot for TLG. Let me know if I can help!<BR/><BR/>Regards,<BR/>Phyllis RotemanPhyllis Rotemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01614977121858720132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-37392555047488853492008-02-06T11:54:00.000-08:002008-02-06T11:54:00.000-08:00Nice article, you've done a good job of simplifyin...Nice article, you've done a good job of simplifying this topic.<BR/><BR/>I like the way that Pat McClagan used competencies and roles in her competency 1989 study for ASTD (Models for Excellence). She identified 15 roles filled by HRD professionals (Training Delivery, Instructional Design, Training Evaluation, etc.) then created a grid in which the 35 competencies she identified were listed in one row each, with a column for each role. Then it was indicated which competencies were used in each role.<BR/><BR/>I'm thinking of doing the same thing, yet listing key job functions instead of roles. Have you seen this done?<BR/><BR/>I'm working to support a Business Unit, so I'd like to do this for my 330+ people (across some # of different positions....TBD!). <BR/><BR/>I'd appreciate any thoughts or comments. <BR/><BR/>Thanks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-14751783143151015122007-08-15T11:39:00.000-07:002007-08-15T11:39:00.000-07:00Dear Snowball69,You are so right. My experience is...Dear Snowball69,<BR/><BR/>You are so right. My experience is that most toxic people are in complete denial about their toxicity. In fact, many of them hone their "conniving" skills so well that they try to convince everyone around them that "they" are the problem (deflecting).<BR/><BR/>When you're "in it", it's very hard to see that it's happening. <BR/><BR/>Your observation about toxic people thriving in office environments is interesting. Wonder what others think...this may be worth a research study!<BR/><BR/>Perhaps it is the cubicles, hierarchy, odd rules and constant change that feeds (or attracts) toxic people. Just watch the show "The Office" and you'll see a case study.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your comments! PhyllisPhyllis Rotemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01614977121858720132noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-87322903619065167692007-07-29T06:45:00.000-07:002007-07-29T06:45:00.000-07:00Anonymous(1) posts a good example of how a toxic p...Anonymous(1) posts a good example of how a toxic person would convince and connive in order to entrench their position. I'd hazard a guess that they exhibit some degree of toxicity themselves.<BR/><BR/>The fact is that people can generally recognise the toxicity of others and quite readily differentiate between over-reacting and the need to take action to strengthen their own boundaries. How often do we ignore our own deep instincts after listening to the outwardly rational discourse of a toxic person and continue allowing them to blight our lives year upon year - knowing full-well we are doing wrong.<BR/><BR/>Realising a person is toxic and is having a deleterious effect on your life, career and health isn't usually a snap judgement and this is not a matter of being "paranoid" or "trusting no-one until they are deemed to be non-toxic".<BR/><BR/>Having worked in both heavy, manual industry and office I can say that toxic souls are found in both areas but for some reason negative people thrive like a fungus on the claustrophobic atmosphere of the office.<BR/><BR/>Apart from a few sick individuals, as humans we are all generally outward and trusting. It would be impossible to get through the day if one were a suspicious sociopath. It is this openness and willingness to trust that toxic folks aim barbs and hooks at in order to gain control over us.<BR/><BR/>Have no doubt, toxic people are experienced manipulators and when this is combined with a genuine lack of empathy there is every justification to keep them at arm's length.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-47751610639289265182007-06-30T07:15:00.000-07:002007-06-30T07:15:00.000-07:00Phyllis,I had no problem visualizing each and ever...Phyllis,<BR/><BR/>I had no problem visualizing each and every step along the way of your experience.<BR/><BR/>After 30 years of about 60% air travel, which I used to consider a bonus and reward for being a global consultant, I have literally been re-working my business plan (albeit informal) to minimize or eliminate air travel. <BR/><BR/>It is simply too miserable an undertaking. The only predictability involved is that something bad will happen. <BR/><BR/>Hope you got back ok and that the sippy cup wasn't too terrifying for the other passengers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28642670.post-46139820318616343152007-05-15T11:07:00.000-07:002007-05-15T11:07:00.000-07:00One point of clarification...no one should ever ac...One point of clarification...no one should ever accept actual abuse from an employer (meaning sexual harassment, asking employees to break laws, etc.). That should always be addressed.<BR/><BR/>Read my previous post on Toxic Employees...about "Victims". If you say "a manager is MAKING me a bad employee or MAKING me toxic" - you're playing the victim. That's not a pleasant role for anyone...it's not healthy and not productive.Phyllis Rotemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01614977121858720132noreply@blogger.com